Damaged At Best
by adii1201
Summary: 3 chapters fic; Somewhere on season 6;
1. Chapter 1: Loss

_Damaged At Best_

**Chapter One: Loss**

Time: 2:04 AM

Day: Monday, 3.2.2013

8 months pregnant.

She was sleeping in bed, Tom next to her. She took the covers off of her, it was way too hot for that. She was lying on her side, it was the most comfortable position.

When the first contraction arrived she just opened her eyes. She wasn't nervous, she was used to it. After all, it wasn't her first pregnancy. She began counting the minutes, waiting for the next one to find out if she's in labor or not. 15 minutes apart came the second one. She let out a loud moan and held onto the sheets, waiting for the pain to pass.

Tom heard her but was still sleepy. He shifted in bed, trying to fall back to sleep all the while thinking what's wrong with her. The minute it hit him his eyes opened shut and he went from lying to sitting in a second.

She was already out of bed, wearing her pants. _"Lynette?" _Tom called. She turned around and flushed a smile at him. _"It's time" _she said.

It took him two minutes to put his clothes on. He grabbed the overnight bag and walked towards her, wrapping his arm around her waist so she can lean against him. He helped her down the stairs and to the car.

He took her hand before starting the car engine and held it throughout the entire ride. From time to time she would squeeze it, wishing it would make the pain go away. They didn't say a word to each other, they didn't have to. Both of them were well trained at this, knowing exactly what to do and what will happen next.

He parked the car at the entrance of the hospital and went to help her out. He kissed her cheek as they walked inside, looking for a nurse.

It took 4 hours until she was finally ready for the birth. She was taken to the delivery room, Tom on her side, not willing to miss this for the world. He whispered he loves her, still holding on to her hand. She didn't get any meds and he was still amazed at how strong she is, managing this pain.

She began pushing but failed to continue. The room went black and her eyes closed slowly, the voices becoming blurry and she drifted away.

Tom was kicked out of her room and within seconds she was wheeled into an O.R to have a C-section.

Hours later she woke up in the recovery room. She was alone, no one but the doctors was allowed in there. She tried calling out but her voice was hoarse and barely above a whisper. When one of the doctors finally approached her, all he did was check her and mumble something she didn't understand to the nurse next to him.

_"Mrs. Scavo, we'll move you to a room in a few minutes"_ The nurse said once the doctor left. Lynette was about to ask her what's going on, how is her baby girl and what happened to her but the nurse walked away, leaving Lynette hanging, knowing nothing.

Tom was waiting in her room and he jumped off the chair the minute they wheeled her bed in. He was pale, his eyes red from crying. He was nervous and sad and she needed one look to know something bad happened. Really bad. _"Where is she?"_ She asked, almost whispering, as if the question itself will cause damage.

He walked over to her grabbing her hand. Her eyes moved fast, as if she was scanning him, hoping to find out the answer she longed to hear. _"Lynnie, you had an infection which led to a heart failure. The baby wasn't getting enough oxygen and by the time they got to her it was too late. They tried operating but she was already premature and there was nothing they could've done. We lost her" _

She began crying, quietly, but her pain was carried out with each tear that left her eyes. He still held her hand, none of them speaking, both of them trying to figure out where they're going from there, from this place of sorrow, of loss, of grief. Both of them understanding nothing will ever be the same.


	2. Chapter 2: Falling Apart

**Chapter Two: Falling Apart**

Time: 3:24 PM

Day: Thursday, 10.9.2013

7 months and 7 days since Paige died.

They still shared the same house, the same room. Still sleeping in the same bed. Still exchanging random words about random things. Still not talking about what happened. He hadn't touched her since that night and she didn't want him to. Whenever he came closer, she would move, avoiding him as if they weren't married anymore. And it's not like they stopped loving each other. They haven't. She just pushed him away and he didn't fight it. So they slept in the same bed, a seeming wall separating them. And they would talk to each other in front of their kids so they won't feel like there's something wrong but that was it. And everyone, including them, knew something was wrong. But Lynette was hurting too much and he was too weak to be there for her. But he had enough. He missed her. Missed her in his arms every night, missed her lips on his, missed whispering sweet words in her ear. He wanted to comfort her, he wanted to be there for her.

He just parked his car on the driveway. He sat there for a few minutes, he used to do that every day, hoping those few minutes would change the reality he came home to. But this time he thought he should do something, he thought it was time for a change, time to get her back to him. He locked the door and walked inside. She was in the kitchen cooking and she didn't hear him. He wasn't surprised, she never heard him when he walked in, she was either crying or busy thinking about Paige, like always. He walked over to her, hoping she might turn around, but nothing. He laid his hand on the small of her back. His touch was light, his hand was warm. She used to love his touch, feel safe thanks to it. But not now. She jumped, scared. She looked at him, a questioning look spread across her face. He took a step back, realizing this change he longed for so much wasn't going to happen any time soon.

_"Is lunch ready?" _He asked, hoping to break the ice a little.

_"In 2 minutes. Parker and Penny said they're on their way, they'll be joining us" _She managed to say, swallowing back her tears.

_"Ok" _He nodded, walking towards the fridge to grab something to drink.

She put the towel on marble, leaving the food on the stove. _"Excuse me"_ she said and walked away, heading to their bedroom.

She closed herself in their bathroom, her eyes already watering. He gave her a few minutes before heading upstairs as well, hoping she would let him in. He slowly opened their bathroom door, her back was turned to him. He saw her wiping her tears and then walking to the cabin and taking out a towel. At first he thought he was having a really bad nightmare, but he wasn't. She was holding a knife, one he didn't even know they have. She leaned against the wall and slowly slid to the floor. She didn't see him and he didn't want her to. She took the knife, placing it on her arm, slowly moving it on it, going as deep as she could. The blood began to cover her skin but she didn't make a sound. She was in too much pain already to feel that. She sat there and watched as her blood ran down her arm, doing nothing to stop it. It wasn't the first time, she did it before.

Tom couldn't watch this anymore. He slowly closed the door and walked back downstairs, wishing he could've done something, anything, to prevent this.

_"Hey"_ Parker called from the front door. He walked right into the kitchen, his dad sitting on one of the chairs there.

_"Hey Parker! Where's your sister?" _Tom asked. He spoke loud, hoping Lynette would hear him and come downstairs. And she did. She took the bandage she always used and covered her wound, pulling her sleeves on top of them.

_"Hey! What's up Parker?" _Lynette asked, her eyes looking for her daughter.

_"I'm good. Hmmm Penny's outside, she says she doesn't want to go inside, she wants to talk to you"_ Parker said, motioning Lynette.

She was a little surprised, trying to figure out what happened. She walked outside, finding Penny sitting on the bench. She sat beside her, taking her hand in hers. _"So… What is it?"_ She asked, faking a smile.

_"Are you and daddy getting a divorce?"_ She asked, looking at her mom with scared eyes.

_"No! Honey, why would you think that?" _Lynette asked, knowing her daughter had a point in asking what she asked, yet hoping she managed to fool her children just a little.

_"You're barely talking and it's like you're not together anymore"_ Penny answered, moving her look to the ground.

_"Sweetie, listen"_ Lynette began, grabbing her daughter's chin so she would look at her. _"Your father and I are still dealing with what happened, but we love each other very much and we're not splitting. We're not as we used to be because we're both sad but we're ok. Really. I promise"_ she hoped it made sense and she hoped her daughter would believe it, though she didn't.

Penny nodded, believing her mother's words. She didn't want to believe anything else.

Tom was standing next to the door the whole time, hearing everything. He felt his heart breaking, the tears choking him. She was lying and they both knew it, but she said it as if it was ok, as if she wasn't planning on changing it. They weren't ok, they were nothing like they used to be. He barely knew her by now, barely remembered what she smelled like or how soft her skin was. They shared the same house and the same bed but that was all and it was worse than being completely without her. She was in his reach but totally out of it.

Penny and her stood up and walked inside the house. He pretended to be doing something else, like he hadn't heard their chat just now. And they sat to have lunch, as if everything's ok. As if she didn't cut herself just minutes ago, as if she didn't lie to her daughter that their marriage's fine, as if Paige never died and everything was the same. But nothing was the same. For 7 months they've been falling apart, drawing away, drifting. For 7 months he thought he could fix it but only now he realized he probably can't.


	3. Chapter 3: Healing

**Chapter Three: Healing**

Time: 9:54 PM

Day: Thursday, 10.9.2013

32 cuts. On both hands.

She was sitting at the kitchen table, pretending to read. He was on the couch, pretending to watch the TV. She looked at her watch every second, counting the minutes till she can say she's going to sleep. She wanted to lock herself in the bathroom, to continue where she was stopped before. She hated this. She couldn't stay there but she had to so it wouldn't look suspicious. She had nothing to do and she only wanted to cry. And he was sitting there and she hated that. She wanted to be alone.

It's 10. Finally, she thought. She closed the newspaper she was supposed to be reading and put it back. She stood up, heading upstairs. _"Good night"_ She called before she climbed up the stairs, not even waiting for an answer.

He kept sitting on the couch for a few more minutes. He knew what she was up to, he knew what she wanted to do and he knew he couldn't stand still and let her do this again. As soon as he heard their bedroom door closing he jumped of the couch, running upstairs. He managed to stop her from closing the bathroom door and let himself in, closing it behind him.

_"Tom what are you doing?"_ She asked. She wanted him to leave and she really wasn't in the mood for whatever it was that he wanted.

He walked to the cabinet taking out the towel with the knife in it. She looked at him, terrified. He was the last person she wanted to find out about this little habit she adjusted to herself. He stared at her and she couldn't take his judging look.

_"What do you want?"_ She asked, tears already falling from her eyes.

_"What do I want?! I want you to come back to me! I want you to let me in and let me help you. I know you're hurting and I get it, it hurts me too. But we don't need to let it hurt us and our relationship. This was supposed to bring us closer, to teach us how to deal with it, both of us, together. But instead you shut yourself and you pushed me so far away I'm not even sure I can get close again. And you do these things I never thought you'd do and you don't even get that it hurts me more than anything. I lost her and it's killing me but if I'll ever lose you I won't be able to live. And you've changed and I don't even know you anymore. And all I want is you, my wife, back! I can't do this anymore Lynette. I can't sit and do nothing while you fade away, while you destroy everything you ever were. I can't stand by and let you slip away from me. We're suppose to do this together. And you tell Penny all these lies about how much we still love each other and that we're doing ok but we're not and I'm doubting the fact that you love me. You're here and I can't touch you and I can't talk to you. I want you back and I want you to want me back too."_

He had tears in his eyes, his heart pounding out of his chest. He couldn't keep it all inside and he wished so much that she would agree with him, that she would run into his arms. But she didn't. She took the knife from his hand and sat on the floor. She stared at him, hoping he'd leave so he wouldn't have to see it. But he stayed there, hoping she wouldn't do it.

She took a deep breath, swallowing her tears. She lifted her sleeves and only now he saw how many cuts she has and realized she's been doing this for a very long time. She placed the knife on her arm and began moving it, slowly and deeply on a part of her skin that wasn't scarred yet.

He couldn't bare this sight. He was so hurt that she ignored his words, as if she didn't care that she's hurting him. He turned around, leaving the room and leaving her there with what she was doing. He was mad at her because she just threw away everything they ever had, simply because she couldn't deal with the pain. But he was madder at himself for leaving her there and letting her hurt herself when he could've stop it.

He pushed the door, almost breaking it, and entered the room. He grabbed her hand and took the knife from it, throwing it to the floor.

_"Stop! Please, just stop!!" _He cried.

She tried fighting him but he wasn't going to give up. He pulled her to him, resting her head on his chest. One of his arms was wrapped around her body, the other was moving through her hair. Her cries were so loud, bearing so much pain in them. _"I want her back, bring her back"_ she cried. He kept holding her, hoping she would soon calm down, wishing there was something he could do to make this easier on her.

She cried for 2 hours. 2 hours that seemed like forever to him. He was sad and hurt but seeing her like this made it worse for him. He kissed her forehead, remembering how much he loves her smell. She moved closer to him, wrapping her arm around him, her legs set on top of his.

_"I'm sorry"_ she whispered. _"For pushing you away, for shutting myself and for hurting you like this. This was the only way that made the pain bearable, everything I did. But I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking of you."_

_"God, Lynnie…"_ he said as he moved his fingers on her scars. _"This won't bring her back and it'll only take you away from me. You have to stop, please. Promise me you'll stop"_

She looked at him, broken written clearly on her face. She lost the will to smile, the spark she always had in her eyes. But it wasn't new for him, he was so used to this look, to this darkness she carried with her since Paige died. _"I promise. Never again"_.

He knew she wasn't lying, or at least he hoped so. He ran his fingers on her cheek and she closed her eyes. She missed him so much it almost hurt when he touched her again.

He placed a quick, soft kiss on her lips, not even sure this was ok. He missed her so much he was having trouble remembering what it felt like to kiss her.

She closed her eyes, her lips now closer to his and slightly open. He took this as a sign and began kissing her, slowly and softly, not pushing her to do anything. Slowly, they returned to the way they used to be. Slowly, she began feeling comfortable with his touch, safe in his arms.

_"Lynnie, I… I love you. So much." _He murmured when their lips finally parted.

_"I love you too"_ She answered.

_"What are you thinking about?" _He asked as he noticed she was drifting away.

_"If you'll love who I am now. I'm damaged at best, I'm falling apart. I'm not who I used to be and I never will be."_ She began crying again, quiet tears now sliding down her face.

_"Baby I will always love you, no matter what. And you're not damaged, just broken. And I can only try and put the pieces back together, but you gotta let me" _

She nodded, whipping her tears. She wanted to be saved. She needed to be saved. _"I'm holding on to what I have left. And I still have you. And I don't want you to ever let me go and I don't ever want to push you away and I only want you back." _

He tightened his grip around her, now hugging her tightly. These words told him they'll be ok. They were both hurting, both broken, but he loved her enough to heal them both, enough to bring them together. And there was nothing he wanted to do more than this.


End file.
